Nothing to Eat

Nothing to Eat Summary

Nothing to Eat is a satirical poem published in 1857, attributed to Horatio Alger Jr. and Thomas Chandler Haliburton. The poem humorously critiques the extravagances and absurdities of fashionable society, highlighting the disconnect between the wealthy elite and the common populace, particularly concerning issues of food and sustenance.

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Nothing to Eat Excerpt

Short Summary: This satirical poem delves into the contradictions of high society, where lavish living meets complaints of scarcity, offering a humorous critique of the superficiality and excesses of the wealthy elite.

Excerpt from "Nothing to Eat":

"Why, Merdle—why did you bring Dinewell to-day?
So very, though welcome, so quite unexpected!
For dinner, if any, I'm sure I can't say,
Our servants with washing are all so infected.

If any's provided, 'tis nothing but scraps
Of pot-luck or pick up of some common fare;
Or something left over from last week perhaps,
Which you've brought a friend, and an old one, to share.

Protesting, excusing, and swearing a vow,
She'd nothing worth eating to give us for dinner;
She'd nothing to offer us, nothing—but now
The covers fly off and the feast's a beginner.

There was canvas-back'd ducks, fresh caught from the lakes,
There was stewed terrapins, there was broil'd venison steaks;
There was ruffed grouse and pheasants, and sweet maraschino,
And rich pates de foie gras from Strasburg, by Rhine, O!

There was ortolans, olives from France and from Spain,
And pines and bananas, and grapes from the main;
There were breads, hot and smoking, from bakers' best casks,
And the best of champagne from the best of champagne flasks.

There were truffles from Paris, and Bologna's best meat,
And ices and jellies, and creams so complete;
There were puddings and pastries, and rich, costly pies,
And fruits of all kinds that could tempt epicure eyes.

There were nuts and there were raisins, and almonds and figs,
And rich candied fruits, such as Midas might dig;
There were bonbons and sweetmeats from Bertholdi's store,
And a hundred such dainties, and fifty times more.

And after the coffee, the wines were brought in,
And we drank to the health of our hostess in sin;
And we toasted the ladies, and toasted the fair,
And we toasted the bald, and we toasted the hair.

And we drank to the absent, and drank to the present,
And we drank to the past, and we drank to the pleasant;
And we drank to the future, and drank to the moon,
And we drank to the bubble that bursts all too soon.

And we drank to the bubble that never will burst,
And we drank to the last, and we drank to the first;
And we drank to the king, and we drank to the queen,
And we drank to the prince, and we drank to the scene.

And we drank to the stars, and we drank to the sun,
And we drank to the planet that ne'er was outdone;
And we drank to the comet that shot through the sky,
And we drank to the meteor that flamed on high.

And we drank to the earth, and we drank to the air,
And we drank to the sea, and we drank to the fair;
And we drank to the good, and we drank to the bad,
And we drank to the happy, and drank to the sad.

And we drank to the living, and drank to the dead,
And we drank to the foot, and we drank to the head;
And we drank to the high, and we drank to the low,
And we drank to the fast, and we drank to the slow.

And we drank to the young, and we drank to the old,
And we drank to the timid, and drank to the bold;
And we drank to the brave, and we drank to the cowed,
And we drank to the humble, and drank to the proud."

This satirical verse crescendos with irony, as the speaker toasts endlessly amid extravagant food and wine, lampooning the absurdity of claiming “nothing to eat.” It’s a sharp, humorous critique of 19th-century opulence and denial, with layers of social commentary that remain surprisingly relevant.